Personal Log – Stardate -353051.82
The first transmission could go on forever.
I could build a life just explaining it.
But there’s a problem.
The system it reveals cannot survive.
Money itself will cause a catastrophe.
You may be thinking, “These egghead types are always weird in someway! I like my money.” I don’t wish to assuage your fears. It’s better to lean into them.
In 2012, I stopped fighting with myself. I made a deal with something inside me. Life was always terrible, but with him, it could be amazing. I made a deal “I’ll do whatever you ask, or you can have the body and do as you will on these conditions. First, we will always tell the truth. Second, we will follow the law. Third, if I feel unsafe, I can decline.” This was an almost complete surrender. But I held out hope that maybe I was crazy. Safety first is the ASCA motto.
As soon as I made this declaration, he said “Give away all you have and become homeless.” I began reasoning with him, and he cut me off. “Isn’t this what Jesus commanded?” “Oh come on! He didn’t mean…” Just as I was saying this, he started quoting bible verses. And I just stared off into space, thinking “I got a lot of nice stuff.”
I find lies physically repulsive. There’s no way that I’d lie to myself. But that’s the first thing he said! We didn’t even talk like that. Whole full sentences. I was perplexed and began walking around, looking for where I would live. I walked for a few miles, realizing it’s almost impossible to live outside in NYC. It was the summertime, and I passed through a park, still trying to figure out where I would even sleep. Then I came across a homeless dark skinned man, wearing a vest with no shirt. He was laying flat on the park bench, with his arms extended straight above his head.
That particular bench, I would come and sit for a while, and get devoured by mosquitoes. I stared at this man wondering why the mosquitoes weren’t biting him. I stared at his bare crusty feet, and disheveled clothes with fear and sadness. Then I looked at his face. It was late afternoon, and this man was dead to the world. He had bushy matted hair and beard. And he was sleeping with his mouth open. Many of his teeth were missing. “Safety! I call safety!” I went home sad and ashamed. Considering where I am now. Well that’s another story.
Months later, I came across a man named Diogenes.
And I recognized him immediately. He heard the same call, and he actually followed through. At the time, I was fundamentally disconnected from my emotions. I usually didn’t feel anything. Watching a short video about him made me remember what I felt that day.
The video ended saying he went to an oracle, to get guidance about his life. The answer came back. “Deface the currency.” Just then I imagined myself setting all the world’s money on fire, and was exhilarated. I remember shaking my head and not understanding. I said to myself. “It’s so easy to make money. Why do you want to burn it?” I never got an answer.
He is me. And I finally understand. The goal needs to be to get away from that worthless paper and burn it all.
He is me.
And now I understand.
The goal was never to master the system.
The goal was to see through it.
Money isn’t power.
It’s a loop.
And the only way out…
is to walk away from it.
Or burn it.